WORTH READING 19 Oct 2005

Anger usually occurs when you feel (a) that someone is making you
unhappy, and (b) what they're doing just isn't fair. In your angry
state, you're convinced that reasoning won't work, and the offender will
keep upsetting you until he or she is taught a lesson. The only thing
such people understand is punishment, you assume. Then they'll think
twice about making you unhappy again!

You use anger to protect yourself and it offers a simple solution to
your problem--destroy the troublemaker. If your spouse turns out to be
the troublemaker, you'll find yourself hurting the one you've promised
to cherish and protect. When you're angry you don't care about your
spouse's feelings and you are willing to scorch the culprit if it
prevents you from being hurt again.

Each of us has an arsenal of weapons we use when we're angry. If we
think someone deserves to be punished, we unlock the gate and select an
appropriate weapon.

Sometimes the weapons are verbal (ridicule and sarcasm), sometimes
they're devious plots to cause suffering, and sometimes they're
physical. But they all have one thing in common: the ability to hurt
people. Since our spouses are at such close range, we can use our
weapons to hurt them the most.

Remember, in marriage you can be your spouse's greatest source of
pleasure, but can also be your spouse's greatest source of pain,
particularly if your anger is directed toward him or her.

Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.

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