WORTH READING 2 March 2005

Be Selfish In Love

Who comes first, you or your relationship? Although answering - the
relationship - may sound honourable and based on a deep level of love and
commitment, it's an unhealthy and destructive way to live. It is only when
you can honour and love yourself first, that the relationship can be a truly
loving one and not one based on need, dependency, fear, or insecurities.
When each partner comes to the relationship whole, the relationship becomes
an enhancement of your life and not life itself.

Most of you have flown on an airplane. Have you ever wondered why they
tell you to put your OWN mask on first, before you help your child? Seems
kinda selfish, doesn't it? I mean, we've been taught that the ultimate in
love is self sacrifice, right? Why do these airlines tell us to save
ourselves first? There's a practical reason they instruct you to do this.
Think about it. How can you help someone when you're either unconscious or
dead?

Love is similar to that air mask. You cant fully love another unless you
love yourself FIRST. Strap that air mask on good and tight, and you can love
an endless amount. If you don't love yourself first, you have no love to
give. If you truly put yourself first in love, nurture yourself, honour what
you want, and make YOUR happiness the number one priority, you are better
equipped to love others.

Love deeper. We love others to the degree we love ourselves.

What Is Love? Throughout the history of mankind, we as a world culture
have made love out to be mysterious, complex, difficult, and undefinable.
Its the subject of endless poems and literary works. There is an enormous
amount of material available out there about love, allot of it
contradictory.

We've been given the impression that to define love is near to
impossible. Maybe there's a fear that if we define it, it would somehow be
less powerful... less impactful... less exhilarating. Maybe we like the
mystery of it.

But is it really that complicated? Perhaps the complications surrounding
love come from all stuff we add on to this powerful emotion. Lets drop all
the baggage surrounding relationships and define what it is we are
experiencing in the moment of love.

What do you feel when you love someone? If distilled down to its core
components, what would those be? Yes, love is an emotion, a feeling, a
wanting, and a being. We know it feels good, but what specific feelings, w a
n t i n g s, and beings are present when we feel love? Here are the common
denominators of love...

A c c e p - tance is labelling someone as 'okay' and having no
particular desire to change them. Who they are is perfectly fine with you.
You pose no condition on whether you will love them or not. This is called
unconditional love. When your love is conditional, the moment they step
outside your set of conditions, love evaporates.

Appreciation is one step beyond acceptance. It's when your focus is on
what you like about another. We look at them and feel this sweeping
appreciation for who they are, their joy, their insights, their humour,
their companionship.

When someone says they are 'in love' with another, they mean their
appreciation is so enormous for this person that it consumes their every
thought. Love is wanting another to feel good. We want those we love to be
happy, safe, healthy, and fulfilled

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